You know, ever since I was a little boy, I was never good with good byes. Scratch that. I loved good byes, but only for those I am not close with. Good byes were the most difficult things I ever did to people who I felt close to. And there weren’t very many of them since I was a kid. And even now.
The real question to how to cope with a good bye is how long until the next hello? Say, if the next hello will be never, then the good bye will be extremely difficult. Unfortunately, in my life of good byes, I can never say the next hello to five close people. Is it ever healthy for the mind for that many close people to die? I always wondered if my mind was scarred from all that depression. I always wondered if there is this part of my brain that no longer functions correctly because of these experiences.
They say good byes to a significant other is silly. That there are other fish in the sea. That you will be able to say hello to another one some day. You people do not realize the extent of the good bye when you entrust in the other all your feelings. I have done this only once to a girl that I willingly decided to take the relationship another step further. The good bye was difficult. Mental breakdowns, flashes of loneliness, streams of memories. Never has sleeping ever been so difficult.
Get over it they say. Yeah. That is a slow process. This stage of quicksand where every step you take seems to drag you back down twice as many steps.
Maybe I am a fool. Maybe I am a fool for believing there will be a possibility in the future. It is interesting how I evolved from being a pessimist, to a nonentity, and then to an optimist. Will there ever be that possibility? No one knows. But one can hope. That is one thing I learned to do.
It is of course the most difficult thing to know that you think the connection is still there but the other feels that the connection has undergone apathy.
I do not know. I probably am a fool to believe there will ever be a possibility. Keeping hopes is difficult when there are other variables in the equation. I am not the one to live on possibilities. I always demand answers. Yes or no. But as I have learned, there is a continuum between yes’s and no’s. The continuum is hope.
I will keep my hopes up. However, I will not think about my hopes. Thinking about hopes such as the one I am talking about is dangerous. I will let you know, the hope will remain within my heart. And maybe sometime in the future, near or distant, you will remember the hope in my heart and try to find it. Maybe I will try to find you. Better yet, maybe we will try to find each other.
Good byes. They are one of the worst things in life. When two are constantly together, talking, sharing experiences, etc, and after good bye, the two walk away from each other. Only to wonder, when will be the next hello.
I hope our hello won’t be too distant. Keep me in your heart and your memories, as I will always do for you. You made an everlasting impact on my life.
Just know that if you ever need a shoulder, open arms, and a warm smile, I am only a contact away. If everyone else in your life is unhelpful, you know that I am a good listener. If you just want a goofball, do not forget I am quite the goof. If you are ever back home and see me walking around the streets or the park, feel free to join me. Just like old times.